Thursday, March 3, 2016

Going On Thirty

This weekend marks my 30th year of life. Three whole decades of the same heart beating and brain learning and hands doing. A third of a century of learning to be... just me. And it's hard to learn how to be oneself, because in truth, no one else has ever been you before.

Thirty scares a lot of women. There is something dreaded about no longer being lumped into the "twenty-something" category that makes them feel old and irrelevent. But can I tell you something? I'm really excited about my thirties. I'm looking forward to the confidence that comes with three decades of mistakes and misconceptions about myself and life in general. I'm counting on that wisdom to carry me through the next chapter of marriage and parenting and continuing to learn and grow.

You see, I wasted many years trying to be who I thought the world wanted me to be- the internet, my friends and family, the church, even my husband- and after thirty years, I feel as though I've finally begun to settle into my own skin. I'm finally comfortable within the walls of my own mind, and I'm confident with the version of myself that I put out there for the world. I like myself. I always have been and always will be a little bit curvy, and praise the Lord. I'm messy and a bit neurotic and easily bored and hopelessly romantic. Words and affirmation are my love language, but only if followed up by deeds. I am chronically early, and always middle of the road when it comes to political decisions. I don't like talking theology, I like talking Jesus. I don't want hot coffee, I want it iced with cream. I will not, will not, WILL NOT forward chain letters. I love good acoustic music, and I can't for the life of me keep my car clean. I watch cheesy movies and trashy tv shows, and I don't always enjoy mothering in the moment, but I give myself heaps and heaps of grace... but I don't always remember to give it to others.

I continue to work on my weaknesses everyday.

And I'm pretty damn cool, if I do say so.

So bring it on, thirty.

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